From Monty Python's Flying Circus

1: Still no sign of land. How long is it?

2: That's a rather personal question, sir.

(low voices)

1: You stupid git. I meant how long is it that we've been in the lifeboat?
    You've destroyed the atmosphere now.

2: I'm sorry.

1: Shut up. Start again.

(low voices)

1: Still no sign of land. How long is it?

2: 33 days, sir.

1: Thirty-three days?

2: We can't go on much longer (low voices) I didn't think I destroyed
    the atmosphere.

1: Shut up.

2: Well, I don't think I did.

1: 'Course you did.

2: (aside, to 3) Did you think I destroyed the atmosphere?

3: Yes I think you did.

1: Shut up. Shut up!

1: Still no sign of land. How long is it?

2: 33 days, sir.

4: Have we started again? (slap)

1: STILL no sign of land. How long is it?

2: 33 days, sir.

1: Thirty-three days?

2: We can't go on much longer, sir. We haven't eaten since the fifth
     day.

5: We're done for, we're done for!

1: Shut up, Maudling.

2: We've just got to keep hoping. Someone may find us.

6: How we feeling, Captain?

C: Not too good. I...I feel so weak.

2: We can't hold out much longer.

C: Listen ... chaps ... there's still a chance. I'm...done for, I've...got a
    gammy leg and I'm going fast; I'll never get through. But...some of
    you might. So...you'd better eat me.

?: Eat you, sir?

C: Yes. Eat me.

?: Iiuuhh! With a gammy leg?

C: You needn't eat the leg, Thompson. There's still plenty of good meat.
    Look at that arm.

5: It's not just the leg, sir.

C: What do you mean?

5: Well, sir...it's just that -

C: Why don't you want to eat me?

5: I'd rather eat Johnson, sir!

?: So would I, sir.

C: I see.

?: Then that's decided...everyone's gonna eat me!

?: Uh, well.

5: What, sir?

?: Go ahead, please, but I won't -

?: Oh nonsense, sir, you're starving; tuck in!

1: No, no, it's not that.

?: What's the matter with Johnson, sir?

1: Well, he's not kosher.

5: That depends how we kill him, sir.

1: Yes, that's true. But to be perfectly frank I ... I like my meat a little
    more lean. I'd rather eat Hodges.

?: Oh well, all right.

5: I still prefer Johnson.

C: I wish you'd all stop bickering and eat me.

1: Look. I tell you what. Those who want to can eat Johnson. And you,
    sir, can have my leg. And we can make some stock from the
    Captain, and then we'll have Johnson cold for supper.